A Very Unexpected Two Weeks

What a strange and unexpected two weeks. Mike and I headed to Table Rock Lake near Branson, Missouri, wanting to spend more time in the Ozarks. We had just spent a week in the Boston Mountains part of the Ozarks cycling the lovely Razorback Greenway Trail and hoped to continue riding in another section. Well… that didn’t happen at all.

We arrived in Branson knowing absolutely nothing about it. It turns out, Branson calls itself the “Live Entertainment Capital of the World.” Over 100 live shows run simultaneously; music, magic, comedy, dinner theatre, and more. Supposedly it has more theatre seats than Broadway. It markets itself as wholesome and family-friendly, which is absolutely accurate. Besides shows, there’s a big theme park, the Titanic Museum, mini-golf, aquariums, and, of course, outdoor activities in the Ozarks. The shows often include a light religious theme and always end (or begin) with tributes to veterans.

What Branson is not known for is cycling. They have some of the most hilly, winding two-lane roads with no shoulders, blind curves and more. Not safe for cyclists. Not happening. Mike says that driving the car in this area felt like he was riding a roller coaster.

One thing Mike and I really missed while in Europe was going to live theatre and shows. Branson isn’t exactly known for plays, but it did have one large-scale musical production “David”, as in David and Goliath, and later King of Israel. Naturally, we went. The show was staged on what has to be the widest theatre stage in the U.S., about 300 feet across and slightly curved around the audience. The production was impressive: the sets, the effects, and definitely the use of live animals.

David begins as a shepherd, and at one point 29 real sheep are on stage. They even come racing down the aisles from the back of the theatre. (Fun fact: there are 13 sheep understudies that stay behind the scenes.) Goliath is portrayed by a three-story-tall animated puppet. David then goes on to defeat Goliath’s three equally massive and angry brothers, which we had never heard before. The cast of animals didn’t stop at sheep: there were camels, horses, donkeys, alpacas, dogs, parrots, and even birds flying over the audience. “Incredible” doesn’t quite cover it. It was all beautifully executed, and while the animals added a lot, they never stole the show. They just blended in as a natural part of the storytelling.

With cycling off the agenda, Mike and I ended up going to shows nearly every day. The shows varied dramatically. Mike chose the Showboat Branson Belle with its dinner and entertainment while cruising Table Rock Lake. We also saw Reza the illusionist perform in his own large theatre. My engineer husband is always torn watching illusionists: he wants to be amazed, but also wants to solve the puzzles. We saw shows ranging from Celtic music to 50s tributes, country and western (huge here), and others that mixed gospel, country, classic rock, Broadway, and Big Band, all genres we enjoy.

At the end of nearly every show, the vets were asked to stand while “God Bless the USA” played. Everyone would rise to their feet – except two people. Six months ago, Mike and I would’ve stood too. With the threats that the US has made against Canada we refused to do so. We waited until the cast took their bows before we stood. When you are the only two sitting in a theatre of two thousand, you feel very alone. We did wonder if we were asking for trouble. This did concern us but thankfully no-one ever said a thing to us about not standing. We’ve been in very red states for a while now.

We wrapped up our visit with a double feature: a 50s music show in the afternoon (great fun), and the Shanghai Acrobats in the evening. Incredible. Watching Reza pull off seemingly impossible illusions is one thing, you know it’s a trick, even if you don’t know how. But the acrobats? What they do should be impossible, and yet they’re actually doing it.

Even with all the shows, there was still time for some exploring. We played indoor mini-golf one wet day and ended up at a natural history museum on another day.

When I first looked at Table Rock Lake on a map, I thought it looked more like a dragon than a lake. Everything in Branson is “#1,” “longest,” “most extreme,” or “voted best.” They even claim Table Rock Lake has more shoreline than California. Well I checked. Its shoreline may be longer than California from north to south, but it isn’t longer than California’s actual coastline. Misleading, EH?

The only time Mike and I actually got out on the lake was on the Showboat Branson Belle. We camped at Indian Point, right on Table Rock Lake. The marina rented boats, and we liked the idea, but between the shows, the wet weather, and Mike coming down with a nasty cold/flu, it never happened.

We continue to be amazed (and not in a good way) by the weather in this part of the U.S. Tornadoes passed through just north of us again. We keep seeing weather alerts warning us about major thunderstorms, large hail, and flooding. This all seems pretty normal to the locals here. Not exactly reassuring to those of us living in a motorhome.

Johnny Morris, the founder and CEO of Bass Pro Shops, grew up in the Ozarks and is clearly trying to turn this whole area into a massive nature and tourism destination. He’s bought up huge swaths of land, creating conservation parks and large scale attractions. We’d hoped to visit his Dogwood Canyon nature park but didn’t make it. We did visit his “Top of the Rock” park. It’s part lodge, part golf course, part tourist attraction. You rent an electric golf cart and follow a predetermined paved path through the park, past small waterfalls and even through a cavern. It was lovely with twinkling lights everywhere. These must look magical at night. We thought about going back for a nighttime ride but it didn’t happen.

Top of the Rock also has two golf courses, an 18 hole and a 9 hole par 3 designed by Jack Nicklaus. Ten years ago, a 30 by 30 foot sinkhole, about 60 feet deep, opened up on the 9 hole course. Instead of filling it in, they decided to keep digging and connect the caverns below the sinkhole to the existing ones on the tourist path. They’re now 300 feet down and counting. Supposedly it’ll be open for tourists in two years.

The natural history museum that we visited was also at Top of the Rock. It was excellent. We were so glad that we were talked into exploring it. The museum is about three football fields long and laid out like an IKEA. You just keep walking room to room with no shortcuts. But unlike IKEA, it was fascinating the whole way. We didn’t mind the walk at all. The walk begins with displays of prehistoric skeletons. One human skeleton dated to 6,000 BC. Wow. It then progresses through time with Indian artifacts, settlers travelling west, buffalo hunting, Indian relocations, and finally the American Civil War,

Mike and I spent two weeks at one of the Army Corps of Engineers (COE) campgrounds on Table Rock Lake. We had to switch sites halfway through because our first spot was booked by someone else for a few nights during our planned two week stay. We actually moved to the new site a couple of days early. The morning after we moved, Mike was chatting with the camp host, who casually mentioned that a tree had come down during the storm the night before in the middle of Site 1 which was luckily empty. The camp host didn’t realize that we had just vacated Site 1. We went back to look at our vacated Site 1. The fallen tree would have landed squarely on our RV during the storm. A bit of rare good luck on a trip that’s had more than its share of mishaps 😊.